Before me, an open field. A grassy field. No clear tracks I should follow. I feel like I’ve been here once already, but the difference I feel now is that the absence of clear tracks excites me, rather than frightens me.
I don’t mind the lack of a clear path; it means opportunity. To veer around and see what works, and what doesn’t. To feel my way in any direction and soak it in. That would have terrified me just a couple of years ago. But not now. Not ever again.
This will sound incredibly wanky and possibly fridge magnet-like, but I know I’m on some sort of (fuck I hate using this word) ‘journey’. My gut tells me that this next year or two is mine to continue finding my path and keep moving along it.
I have a certain degree of confidence in my intuition; more so now than just a couple of years ago. My gut has held me in good stead and proved to be the best reliable guide. I trust it. Not blindly, but faithfully. And my gut tells me I’m doing what will set me up for a wonderful second half of my life. And that feels good. Now, anyway.
In the past couple of months I have felt a little less in control of things than I want to. Old mate anxiety has been up to some mischief, but I’m more able to try and manage it now. The work with my psychologist is fantastic. As is the reading, learning and challenging of myself that I’ve continued. I’m a sponge for knowledge and the experience of others, so I’ve been reading a heap of articles, books and watching videos all on the topics of self-development, self-belief and mind health. The student I used to be has reemerged a little; I forgot just how much I love learning and growing.
In the past two weeks, I’ve made decisions and taken steps to regain control. Some things have been cast aside, some people bid adieu, and this reduced breadth of focus areas feels much better. The loss or lack of control has abated. It feels good again.
Before me, an open field. And it’s fun appreciating the view.