I will not give up

In the face of nastiness, I will still be as strong as I can

This has been a week and a bit straight from the depths of hell. There are things going on in my life that even with my belief in candour and openness, I can’t and won’t go into right now. Some because it is now the subject of legal proceedings, and some because I simply refuse to treat people with the same coldness, heartlessness and disregard they dish out to me.

I am not perfect. I am far from it. A lot of the time I hate myself. But I know and study and learn from my faults. I genuinely want to improve and grow and be happy again. Happy with myself and with life in general.

But nobody deserves the series of ‘challenges’ and ups and downs that have arisen for me this week. Nobody.

I am really struggling just to manage my major depression and anxiety, and these nasty other things simply make it that much closer to impossible to cope.

But I am stronger than even I think. I know that. If I was truly weak I would already have given up.

I have three beautiful children I love more than anything. I will be their father and friend until I die an old man of something old people die from.

I have amazing brothers who sit with me for company and support and love me no matter what.

I have many friends who have my back and love me.

I have strangers who send me messages of support.

And I have an unwavering belief that I have some specialness and love to share with others for a long time to come.

But it is very, very hard right now. I don’t want pity or anything, I just want to keep being as open and candid as I can to show others in similar situations they are not alone. Nor am I.

And we will smile and laugh again many more times yet.

Shine on, beautiful diamonds xx

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