At the time when they should be enjoying their happiest moment, new parents Jamie and Kim Androgini fear they have set up their child Kelly for a lifetime of ridicule. Like many others, the Androginis failed to register the social media accounts for Kelly with a gender-specific salutation.
“It’s just so hard to keep up with what we’re supposed to do”, said a distraught Jamie. “We love Kelly so much but because we were too slow, we’re worried Kel will forever be gender-indifferent in the eyes of the digital community”.
Longtime members of a range of social media platforms have been quick to condemn the new parents.
“Originally the insertion of ‘mr’ or ‘ms’ at the beginning of a social media handle was a way to secure your name when someone else already had”, said prominent Twitter user @mrlindsayjones.
“When I set my account up, there was already a @lindsayjones so I just added ‘mr’ and I was set. But as time’s moved on, using ‘mr’ or ‘ms’ has become not only legally-binding but a declaration of pride in one’s gender. I really feel for young Kelly because their new online friends will be in the dark as to how they see themselves”.
Kim, Kelly’s gently-spoken other parent, is not as concerned as their partner but does feel embarrassed at what they say is an ‘administrative oversight’.
“Jamie carries on about irrelevant shit quite a lot, and I don’t think it’s that big a deal. I do wish we’d had the foresight to secure both the ‘mr’ and ‘ms’ prefixed handles though, not only for Kelly but also for the other children we plan to have”, they said.
While merely weeks old, young Kelly Androgini has already caused a storm online. What the future holds for the gender-fluid social newbie remains unclear, but one thing is for certain: people will continue to make the same mistake as the Androginis unless parenting classes include their experience in the syllabus.
“I’m calling on all parenting class facilitators to use our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat stories as an example of what can happen if you don’t plan ahead”, pleaded Jamie. “We need to build a big, active community of like-minded people to share their thoughts and workshop a way forward.”
Says Kim: “Let the world know the gender of your baby so everyone can move on and stop being banal fuckwits”.