Umpiring decision review champion and fan favourite Shane Watson has been self-appointed to lead the appeal and review process for the 34 Essendon AFL players, who on Tuesday were suspended for taking performance-enhancing substances.
Speaking after a cavitation ultrasound to maintain his Hemsworth-like pecs, ‘Watto’ outlined his credentials and expectations of the appeal.
“Essendon are absolutely dismayed by the decision of the Court of Arbitration for Sport, and they have my full sympathy and support. If anyone knows what it’s like when decisions go against you even though you cross your fingers and wish upon on a star, it’s me,” said Watson.
“I’m flattered at my self-appointment and the recognition of my expertise in the appeals arena. It’s the one arena where my prowess is unquestionable,” Watson went on.
Incoming Essendon Chairman Lindsay Tanner, a former federal Finance Minister, laughed heartedly when asked about Watson’s role.
“Shane’s a has-been at best, a never-was is probably more accurate”, said Tanner between chortles. “James Hird has us covered in the deluded messiah stakes”.
Twatto may have the last laugh though, as he’s said to have the crucial backing of the Bronzed Bombers coterie group, an influential power base that boasts Hird as patron. A good omen for litigation success, some would say.